Another week, another opportunity for high drama here at Cycle 16 of “America’s Next Top Model.” Like a cockroach, Alexandria survives still, even after the nuclear meltdown she caused by way of archenemy Brittani. Before Brittani’s dressing down at the last panel, she was a model to beat in this competition. But at this moment, stealthy competitors such as Kasia are starting to look pretty darned good over here.
“I can’t go hooooooome,” Brittani weeps in the confessional She and Alexandria hug it out in the limo, but something tells us the detente will last all of four seconds.
The girls arrive at an art gallery, Tyra’s “hall of portfolios.” Tyra herself offers lessons on how to build a portfolio.
“I booked 25 fashion shows in Paris off of three photos,” Tyra brags, reminding us exactly who this show is really all about. Brittani still feels awkward around Tyra as she gets her lesson, but before we can explore said unease, Tyra whips out a giant C, and says the girls’ portfolios all have letters in them too. The letters spell “Morocco,” the international destination of this here Cycle 16!
Didn’t know there was much of a fashion scene in Morocco, but apparently, that’s not what matters. What matters is that, as Tyra puts it, “I have done fashion shoots all over the entire world, and this place is absolutely stunning.”
In other words, Tyra likes Morocco, ergo, we go to Morocco, fashion industry or no fashion industry.
Not every girl will go on to Morocco, however. First, the contestants must endure the rite of the go-see, which, every cycle, reveals one girl with no sense of direction.
Back at the house, Kyle Hagler from IMG Models shows up. He explains that the girls will have four hours to go to four go-sees, and — of course — get back to a fifth location, Lana Marks, in time. Each go-see is seeking a different archetype, such as bombshell or couture. Contestants may take only one bag to prepare them for each archetype … channelling … challenge … thing. The top 3 go-seers will get to attend a bonus go-see, seeing as how those are always so fun and stress-free. We just can’t think of a more relaxing prize!
Alexandria is from Los Angeles and knows the city like “the back of my hand,” unlike Molly, who gets lost amongst the mean streets of the jewelry district. Molly, who already looks like a wet cat is sitting on her head, gets pissed when she finally arrives at Frankie B., only to see that all the other bombshells are already there. She leaves in a huff, while Alexandria kisses ass at jeans house. (“A little ass-kissing never hurt anybody,” the designer snipes at Alexandria.)
Jaclyn, however, may not have enough bombity bomb to be a Frankie B girl.
“After meeting Jaclyn I have a bit of a toothache because she’s so sweet,” the Frankie B. designer says.
Alexandria also does well at the next go-see, which is an audition for a girl-next-door role in a commercial.
Turns out that at least three of these girls have no sense of direction this cycle, Molly, Jaclyn and Brittani among them. But Brittani does manage to find the couture meeting, while Molly rocks her athletic go-see — despite her failure to wear the right kinds of clothes.
Alexandria makes three of the go-sees before returning to Lana Marks, where all of the other girls are already waiting.
The three best girls: Molly, Alexandria and Kasia. Hannah’s walk needs too much work, and the other two girls didn’t make enough go-sees to impress anyone.
Now that the three challenge finalists have been announced, Lana Marks swans into the scene to announce a major prize: stardom in her international campaign for whichever of the remaining girls impresses her the most. Alexandria blows smoke up Lana’s fashionable ass, while Molly mumbles something unintelligible. Kasia seems the realest, but this is the modeling industry, where real means nothing, darling: Alexandria wins.
“I’d better be going to Morocco or I swear to God I am going to punch a hole in something,” Molly bitches. Well, that’s the ass-kissing attitude the fashion industry loves!
The girls are all taken to a landfill. Unfortunately, Alexandria is not being left behind there. This is the backdrop for an eco-friendly couture shoot. A designer named Michael Cinco has crafted dresses for the shoot, and there is a bio-diesel hair and makeup trailer sitting nearby looking Earth friendly.
Kasia looks like a refugee from Krypton, and that includes a facial range that includes alien royalty — and not much else. Jaclyn has a killer personality but needs to control her mouth a little more, a la Christy Turlington. Mr. Jay helps Hannah quit second guessing herself, and the result is film magic, baby.
Molly’s attitude matches the trash behind her.
“This is unsanitary,” she bitches. “Anyone have a bb gun?”
Nigel is not impressed. Nigel also gives Brittani a pep talk before the shoot, and it works: she literally drops down into the garbage to save herself in this competition, and the photographer is loving it.
Unfortunately for Brittani, however, Alexandria also kills it at her shoot.
“I felt like a queen on top of a bunch of garbage,” Alexandria notes.
And with that, it’s panel time. Marks is the guest judge.
Alexandria is called down first. Tyra informs her that she got booked on every go-see she attended. Her photo also wins raves.
“This is true high fashion,” Tyra gushes.
Jaclyn earns grimaces for only making it to two go-sees. But she did book both of them. Her photo is a bit amateurish for La Andre Leon Talley. As for Molly, she booked only two jobs.
“You come across as cold and not present,” Tyra says. “You’re always being watched. Always! It’s about faking it when you feel like crap!”
But Molly’s shot is amazing. Kasia, meanwhile, booked two of four go-sees, and her photo is lackluster.
Next: Hannah. She booked two of three jobs. Her shot is total high-fash with a broken down pose, darling. But her insecurity is starting to show, and Tyra, essentially, says she needs to get over it.
And then there’s Brittani. She booked two of two go-sees. And she definitely impresses with the fact that she’s practically rolling around in the refuse.
So who goes home? The callout: Alexandria, Hannah, Kasia, Brittani.
Bottom two: Molly and Jaclyn. It’s a little odd to see Jaclyn in the bottom two at this point. Yes, Jaclyn made it to only two go-sees, but she booked ‘em both! Molly, of course, needs a personality adjustment.
But it’s she who stays. Molly will remain because the judges think her body of work is stronger than Jaclyn’s. But the panel may be making a huge mistake in sending Jaclyn home. She can’t read a map, but she can read a camera.
By Leslie Gornstein –